so i love ...

The heat is winding down in Atlanta, hot days cooling down into scarf-worthy evenings. I've been settling into being back from my long trip pretty nicely, making connections with people I've enjoyed from afar and hoping meaningful and fun friendships form as a result.

It's not all anticipation of turning leaves and cool, rainy nights though. With the recent news of a well-loved colleague's renewed battle with cancer, my thoughts have become introspective even as I send her love, healing, and all the positivity in my entire being. The fight isn't an easy one and the love and positive thoughts of those around you are just as important as the drugs they pump into your body and the instruments used to cut danger from the flesh. Those of us who've dealt with it know all too well.

With all this movement going on in the universe, there is still the book tour going on. Next week, I head to Chicago then it's Philly, NYC, and DC. Miles to go and all that.

Have a beautiful September, darlings. Love well.

- Fiona

Read the rest of the September newsletter HERE.

Every Dark Desire - the poem.

 

 

Last month at my book release party in Tampa, a couple of fab queer spoken word artists created original poems about my work. Their enthusiasm for my work and their desire to write something original for the party carried me on a tide of happiness all night. This tasty bite is from Adrien Julious. 

 

Every Dark Desire - a poem by Adrien Julious.

 

This is home

This sand that has shifted time and space under my toes

Under my back 

I want to lay here

Joining home with love until it is all the same

Looking up

Watching the moon and the sun play double dutch with the sky

Until I feel the tide lapping at my feet

As my lover brings me to the throes of passion

In this moment I forget that it is she who has denied me this glimpse,

this smell, this feel of my home

Who turned me into a beast so that mango and cassava no longer quench

my thirst like the blood of a young man

Who stole me away from my ancestors

She was busy writing my present with palms and fangs

While I alternated between pain and pleasure

Mentally and physically

Internally and externally

 

As lightning bolted into my pussy

And blood from my brain rushed towards my clit

I could only think of all the losses I'd suffered because of this beast

And all the gains

Life

Forever

But is everlasting life and carnal fucking worth my daughter and my family

These thoughts tossed backwards and forwards in my head

As Silvija fucked me harder, faster, and deeper

Pushing free thoughts out of my mind and every dark desire into where

my soul used to be

I didn't know if I still had a soul

If it had been replaced years ago in that hotel room or

If I had been replacing it with bits and pieces of the humans I had

stolen life juice from

And in this moment as Silvija grips my hips with her hands

Blazing fire into the pit of my belly

As my body plays rocking horse moving frantically across the sand

And I begin to cum

Howling at the moon of my ancestors

I think of how I will ravage her pussy with my tongue

And every dark desire is all that matters.

 

 

Happy 2013. The Year of Eros.

I read online today that 2013 is the year of Eros (defined by The Free Dictionary as “creative, often sexual yearning, love, or desire.” Personally, I think every year should be devoted to the principles of Eros. Life is simply much better with these forces actively at work within us. Love and yearning push us to create. They inspire us to be better for the beloved who is within our sights and in our hearts – even if that beloved is a long term partner and has already seen us at our worst.

If you've been cheating yourself of love and desire in recent months or years, this is your excuse to treat yourself better. Love well in 2013. Create. Give everything. Explore.

- Fiona

To read and subscribe to my latest newsletter, go HERE.

Neighborhood Musings

Yesterday, as I sat on my rented front porch watching the neighborhood past by, the woman came twaddling down the street - butt rocking, arms swinging, looking ready for an animated conversation with somebody, dammit! Luckily, a friend came walking from the other direction in that moment and the twaddler jumps right into this animated conversation about how somebody she dealt with thought she was DEAD.

Quickly enough, she leaps from this to cussing somebody out. Calls this woman a storm-load of muthaf's and that kind of bitch and the other, then she says, "I can't stand that bulldagga (haven't heard that since high school). That under-cover bulldagga bitch." She says this in a matter-of-fact way, but very serious.

At first I think, "Bitch! Don't no-body want you!" But that might not be true. There's somebody out there for everybody.

Once I stop reacting to her homophobia, I begin to wonder if the real "sin" of this foe of hers was to be "under-cover" versus "up-front with her shit"? I wonder this, because nearly every day, I see this young butch girl - always rapping ghetto-romance lyrics out loud, sometimes sexually explicit lyrics about women. I'm not sure if these are her lyrics or she's just imitating what she's heard. I'm not current enough to know the difference. My point is, no one seems to give her any shit for being OUT (except for her high voice and titty bumps, my visiting friend thought she could pass for a boy), and she's very visible in the community.

Would the twaddler, and perhaps other members of the community, respect or deal better with this "bulldagga" if she was out?

February 2012 Newsletter

Welcome to February, the month of Black History and Love. There are many good things to look forward to -- chocolates, super bowl parties, sunsets on the beach -- even as we step away from a January filled with the unimaginable -- Atlanta's Outwrite Books closing, Susan G. Komen pulling funding from Planned Parenthood.

In writing news, my new book will hit the (digital) shelves at the end of the month. That book, Nightshade, is a novella and features my favorite assassin, Wynne.Nightshade will be available as an ebook first and then in hard copy editions from your favorite bookstores in persona and online. Keep an eye on my website (www.fionazedde.com) and future newsletters for more information.

Blessings and love!
- Fiona

To read more from the February newsletter, click HERE.

(art by James Loveless)

Juicy July!

July is already shaping up to be a very busy month. Between moving, book signings, script-writing, research in New York, and friends in town, I'll be flying all month. But being busy is a good thing, I always say. Better than being bored and waiting for life to happen.

One of the big things about July is the debut of my Young Adult novel, Dreaming in Color, which I've written under the name "Fiona Lewis." To pre-order the book from amazon.com or just take a peek and see what it's all about, see the site here: http://amzn.to/lqyCDi

I'm particularly excited about the book since it's writing in a genre I've never tried before. It's a story about Jamaican youth and assimilation with a bit of queerness on the side. I'm looking forward to getting feedback on it.

Cool kisses and love to you in this, the hottest month of the year. And whether your July is hurricane busy or easy breezy, enjoy and talk with you next time!

- Fiona

See the rest of the July newsletter here: http://bit.ly/itrV9O